Feelings of Contentment.....

Today is a dreary cold day in northern Minnesota, feels like rain but I think it may be too cold to rain (i know not really...). Days like this are "feeling" days, they bring out feelers! I have been busy with the kids this summer, how fast it has come and almost gone. Hard to believe its already Mid-July. Alot of changes around here these past couple weeks. Had to let our babysitter go and put the boys back in daycare. It just wasnt working out that well, lets hope we made the right decision this time. We didnt know until we tried it so overall it wasnt a bad choice, a lesson. I forget what it was like to have teenagers around. Let me tell ya, they litterally eat a person out of house and home. Another "event" that has taken place is my deciding to move on without Andy. I have made a choice that I need more and cant expect him to want to change his way to accomodate me and my crazy life! It has been a tough decision but I know I cant settle again. I need to know that I will be happy in my relationship. As you all know there isnt a perfect relationship, we are all human and all think that our way is the only way!!! LOL, or at least some of us do haha.... I guess I just am not feeling that readyness to move forward with him and one would believe that after this long I should be feeling it. What was I feeling? Not sure if it was a sense of security having a man around or if I was really in Love. I do know that I loved Andy, perhaps still do some. I just think that it was more of a friendship than a partnership? We arent always going to feel "in love" the reality of life is what comes after the initial "in love" stage of any relationship. The weirdest thing was that after Andy left the first time I wasnt really shocked. I knew it was coming, just wasnt sure that when i saw him last would really be the very last time. How weird to spend almost every day with someone and then nothing... Over that period of 6 months while he was gone from my life I did think of him on occasion, perhaps I was a little lonesome, but learned that I didnt "need" anyone to make me happy. I became very accustomed to "my" time. I actually enjoyed being by myself. Not sure if I was scared to meet anyone else or if I was just getting to know myself a little better. I was able to grow in my walk with the Lord, I was very comfortable with my relationship with God. Why is it that I cant find a partner that is able to Love like Jesus? Perhaps because Jesus is the only one.... I pray that I find someone I can be best friends with, someone like my one very good friend. Not sure what it is about him but I dont feel like I have to hold anything back, I can talk about absolutely anything and everything!!! No guilt, no judging, trust and thats just it. I dont know that I trusted Andy with all my heart. I dont know if it was him leaving so sudden that brought that mistrust on or if I just have a hard time giving all of myself to someone, fully trusting after my marriage failed. I think I just feel like I need to protect myself and my children. Who knows, maybe I feel too much!!!! (is there such a thing???) I just Pray that God lead me to the one he has chose for me, just for me! I am patient in this and am in no hurry to go looking for him. He will come.
A couple weeks ago we had a tragedy within our family. Miley our shih tzu lost her litter of pupps. There were 3 total, 2 girls and 1 boy. They were quite a shock as they came out looking like PUGS!!!! OLIVER!!!!!! We had to make a couple trips to the vet but there were no survivors. All of them were born breech, all getting stuck at the shoulders on the way out. So sad for Miley. Not sure if I feel it for her because I am a mother or if it was me humanizing my animals again. After all that, I have decided there will be no more surprises and dogs will be getting fixed. I need to sell some rainbows so I can do it sooner than later. Anyone want to watch a demo????? send me a comment or an email.... I got the hook up if anyone wants to see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well. I was able to get over to erin and Jakes last night to see that little man. He sure is a handsome little fella. Sweet boy with wild man hair do!!!! WELL, time to get these boys ready for bed, bath time, story time and best of all, bedtime!!!! I am actually excited to go to bed tonight. Just one of those "tired" days, blame it on the weather!!!
I am looking forward to Friday night, should be fun. Something new anyways!!! stay tuned!!!!!!!