Here I am today....

Just wanted to take a break from this busy life to let you in on a little bit of me lately. This past month has been a huge trial and I feel that God is testing me every inch of the way. I know He has plans to prosper me, plans for my life and most importantly plans for me to share with others His love. I have constant reminders of how truely blessed I am to have such a loving Father. I am blessed everyday with my life, children, health, job, family, friends, home and most of all His Love. I wish there were a way to express how much I love him with words, but I cant. I cant begin to imagine life without His guidance. I would be lost, always wondering, never getting where I need to be because the most important part of my life would be missing. I had an incredible experience this past Sunday morning at church. I was invited by a very special friend to visit her church with her family. I have only once ever felt such a great connection with the Lord as I did at the Assemblies of God church this past weekend. The music was amazing, so alive. Everyone had their hands up reaching to Him- praising Him! So amazing! Thank you Lord for sending your son to save me.
As for the other things that have been going on for the past month where to begin. Well, a little over a month ago Andy (the guy I dated after my husband left me) (who i hadnt talked to at all in over 6 months) called out of the blue and wanted to talk. He wanted to get some things off his chest and possibly "try again". For the most part it has been good, too good actually. Just makes me wonder when this is going to come to a crash and eventually get back to where it was before. Well, it didnt take too long I guess. I am just not sure what to do. I know that if it is going to be 75% good it may be worth it, but if it is going to continue with its bi-polar cycle I just dont know that this is for me. I need more, I need consistency, communication and reassurance. I feel I deserve every last oz of it! I am not sure if its me- my house- my children- my mess or if it is just his way of dealing with his own life- being laid off, etc. I just dont understand how someone can go from talking about marriage to all of a sudden backing away and just not following through with commitments- hello return phone call at least!!! Apparently I dont understand, Im just a woman with a lot of baggage. I just dont know where to go from here. Maybe I am looking too far into it, maybe I should just let the dust settle before getting too worked up about it. Well for now I am going to head to bed, first pray about all this and then sleep. I cant wait for a weekend to myself. Its been a while now. Finally nothing going on.... Im sure I have spoken too soon!